the auditorium

Just seven days ago, on Saturday 12th April, a woman took to the stage on television in a gold sequin dress and performed a song from the Wizard of Oz musical. The audience gasped in shock before rising for a standing ovation. Overwhelming applause rang throughout the theatre as the this songstress continues to sing her song. Needless to say, the judges of the show were astounded and unanimously decided her fate to go through to the next round. Over the next couple of days, her voice crossed nations and she found international fame. Why? Granted, she could hold a tune. In fact, she had quite a nice voice. However, was it worthy of such international praise on its own merit? Personally, I don’t think so. She could sing, yes. But it wasn’t a particularly amazing vocal either. The reason for her sudden fame, in my opinion, becomes clear when you see her. No, she was not pretty or sexy. She was the complete opposite – she was rather ugly, and she was socially awkward. She was everything you expected her not to be. Before the melodic voice escaped her lips, the audience had already passed judgment on her – she was a loser; a bad auditionee. Even the judges seemed to have an air of “oh, here we go again”. The real talent behind Susan Boyle, is the talent of surprise – the talent of breaking a stereotype and making the world aware of their shallow judgements. So, the nation will rise to see her through to the final, and possibly further. And for this one reason only: to show that we are not some shallow, judgemental group of sadists, who enjoy watching people fail. What a sorry sight, we are.

Will you prove me wrong?

Have you ever been in the situation where someone, or even yourself, has had the need to say:

“You’re too good a friend. I don’t want to ruin what we have.”

Or something to that effect? I hear it all the time, and it got me thinking as to why this might be. Could it possibly be my fault? Am I doing something that automatically puts me in the friend category, rather than the potential partner category? Having said that, is there even such a system? I mean, it isn’t unheard of that friends eventually become couples. However, it is undeniable that there are people in our lives who we just think are friend material – no more, no less. How does one decide on these boundaries? How do you know when someone just isn’t boyfriend or girlfriend substance for you? My theory – formulated through my own experience of the matter spiced with a dash of bitterness and a squeeze of cynicism – suggests that it all boils down to one thing: conversation.

Let me explain. When you first get to know someone, how much do you divulge in conversation? And how much conversation do you have with them? The answers to those questions, I think, is what decides the category in which that poor sucker falls. What I find is that when you start talking about yourself and your likes and dislikes, and your fears and whatnot (named self-disclosure in Psychology) you can often overstep the line. What line, I hear you cry. The line that seperates the “dates” from the “friends”. The more you get to know someone, the more friendly you become – that is assuming that you have any similarities with each other. And that’s bad friendly if you were wanting more than just friendship, because once you get to the friendly stage, that’s when the self-disclosure becomes mutual, and you become just another bag for them to spill their guts onto, if you get my jiff. Also, the amount of time you spend talking is integral to this process. The more time you talk, the more you spill. The more you spill, the closer to that line you get…until BAM! You’re in the friendship zone. Say buh-bye to any chance of getting with the guy/gal you had.

As I said earlier, I get this a lot. It’s just my disposition to talk to people loads and find out loads, so I’m just a friend-type person. I resented that fact before, but I’ve come to accept it. It’s not so bad having just loads of friends, I guess. As the saying goes: you can never have too many friends.

It’s come to my attention – yes, I was ignorant beforehand – that there are too many teachers/teachers-in-training that just shouldn’t be in the job. A teacher should be putting the pupils’ education first. Always. I don’t believe in lost causes. Every child has strengths and weaknesses and a good teacher should recognise this without being condescending or labelling the child as a problem child. It does the child no good for teachers to be saying they’re rubbish at whatever subject it is that they struggle with. If you’re going to be like that, then don’t teach. Please.

So why ARE these folk choosing to follow this career – despite their distaste for it? One word: money. The starting salary of any teacher is aroung the £20k mark, and it goes up every year. Add to that the generous amounts of holidays and the stability of the job, and voila, everyone wants a piece of the action. This year, in particular, has seen a sudden influx in applications for teacher training courses, which means something awful for me: I may not get to start teacher training this year.

Argh! Screw all you people! Stealing my job!

It’s the festive season everyone, and the towns are once again packed full of last minute shoppers, trying to grab any sort of  retail bargain with which to stuff their seemingly endless stockings. You can feel the tension in the air upon entering any of the stores as swarms of bug-eyed customers rapidly scan shelf after shelf; sift through rack after rack; dig through bin after bin to find that ever elusive “perfect” gift for that someone who is always forgotten: old Aunt/Uncle Whatshisorherface. People are literally getting into a sweat and panic over the finishing touches for their unbeatable (until the next year) Christmas Day.

There is no better time to see the generosity of human kind than at this time of year. Millions and millions of pounds are spent on celebrating something that has probably no meaning whatsoever for the majority. I do wonder how many of these present-buyers are actually Christian? How many actually realise what the true meaning behind the annual festivities? Is the 25th December still the date of the birth of Jesus Christ? Or is it just another day on the calendar which just so happens to be filled with gift-swapping, and turkey-eating, and wine-drinking, and carol-singing? I wonder, indeed.

And then there’s the yearly wish. The one that is in everyone’s prayers from the very beginning of December: please let it be a White Christmas. Please, let it snow. Let the ground be covered in white slush so as to make travel almost impossible. Let it be so cold that our hands and faces glow red. That, dear Lord, is what we all wish. 

Anyways, I wish everyone – who celebrates it – a very merry Christmas. And season’s greetings to those who don’t. Have a good’un!

Since when did talent become synonymous with sympathisable (as in “eliciting sympathy”)? Because it’s beginning to annoy me. The latest case of this crazy definition of talented is observable on the current series of X Factor. What the f*** is Daniel still doing in the competition? He is, without doubt, one of the weakest singers there – I’ve heard better at karaoke events – and yet he’s still in for the running. On the other hand, uber-talented, Austin was given the boot just last night. Why Rachel and Austin even ended up in the bottom two is a complete mystery to me. But what I’m sure of, is that Daniel is surviving on sympathy votes alone. For those of you who are unaware of his situation, his wife died shortly after giving birth to his daughter about a year ago (I think) and her dying wish was for him to audition at X Factor. Awwww! How sweet! He’s doing it for his late wife….my arse! Does he look like he’s doing it for his wife? Does it look like he’s in anyway unhappy? He’s loving it! It has long since gone past the point of fulfilling her request. So open your eyes, Britain!! Stop picking up the phone whilst dabbing your eyes with a hanky. This is a singing competition. Not a charity.

Daniel for the chopping block!

Are you out and proud?

Every year, there comes a time when countless numbers of people take to the streets of their home town with their heads held high and their rainbow flags even higher. Yes, the colourful, and oh so camp time of Pride. Men and women of all shapes and sizes cavort down rows of streets, whistling, shouting, megaphoning, singing, dancing, squealing, openly flaunting their sexuality in front of everyone. “We’re queer, we’re here. Get used to it!”. I get it. I really do. You’re proud about your sexuality – you’re proud to be gay/lesbian/transgender but why rub it in everyone’s faces? Is it really necessary? I mean, do heterosexuals have a “straight pride”?

I understand the reason (the underlying and pretty much hidden one) behind Pride, is to try and promote acceptance of diversity in human beings, but is the event really doing anything for the “gay community”? If anything, I think that it further outcasts us; the whole thing is like an elaborate self-segregation. It also reinforces stereotypes of homosexuals. You only have to look at the way people dress and act at Pride to understand what I mean. It’s definitely not something I’m proud of.

If you don’t want others to think of your sexuality as a big thing, then stop making such a big thing out of it yourself.

“Do you have any experience?”

All job opportunities are lost at this one hurdle. They all ask it, don’t they? Understandably so, right? It is in the company’s best interest to employ someone who requires little to no training. It’s more cost-efficient and less time-consuming. There is one flaw in this mentality though. Let me explain by posing a question: who will provide the experience needed? All these employers expect someone else to take the amateur on board and bring them up to scratch. However, obviously this doesn’t work. So, come on, big cheeses! Employ me!

edit: A little birdy just informed me that it is possible to have too much experience as well. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you can be too experienced. You can pull too perfect a pint. You can do too good a job. I mean, come on! Seriously? No wonder the unemployment rate is so high. It seems that society just isn’t for the jobseeker. *sigh*

This gorgeous specimen of a lady is 2nd runner-up of America’s Next Top Model Cycle 1, Elyse Sewell. In my opinion, she should have won the show; she was the best model on there, hands down. She was smart, pretty, funny and knew how to pose without even thinking about it. Unfortunately, the judges thought she was “patronising” and her intelligence was too “intimidating”, so she was eliminated before the final runway show. However, she is now the most successful model ever to have appeared on ANTM and is very big over in Asia. Just goes to show that they were wrong to give her the boot. Go, Elyse!

You can visit her online journal here.